Not Tonight, Honey…

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Man, you guys were not kidding about the Lupron headaches!  They are insane.  I’ve been chugging water, and that helps a little.  But I seriously drank 3 liters of water yesterday and still went to bed with a pounding headache.

I will say, though, that the Lupron shot itself is not bad!  I barely feel it.  I’m the lonely loser with a traveling husband, so I have to give all the shots to myself.  I really psyched myself out on the first one.  Once I got it prepared I kept having to walk away from it and then come back, giving myself a pep talk out loud the whole time.  If anyone was spying on me at the time, I should be expecting men in white suits with the big net to be showing up to my house to collect me any minute now.  Finally, I just popped it in!  Not bad.  I had a little raised, itchy, burny bump afterward like a bug bite that lasted about 20 minutes, but that was it.  No bruising or soreness afterward.

A friend of mine set me up on a blind texting date with another one of her friends that was starting the IVF process on the very same day!  Her protocol is pretty different from mine, but it was still really nice being able to chat with someone else going through it with me.  We started meds on the same day, but her tentative retrieval date is like 2 weeks before mine.  I’m not sure how or why that is.  But I’m just hoping that everything goes as planned for both of us!

I had a dream last night that it was my transfer date.  I’m a little nervous about it and how it’s going to feel because I’m a big wimp so it’s no wonder I was dreaming about it.  And of course in my dream I was panicking about it.  It was over quickly and 3 seconds later, in true dream time form, they told me it had worked and I was pregnant!  Ha.  I wish it was going to be that quick.

But for the first time in a long time, I woke up excited about it.  I think through all of this I have just stopped being capable of excitement for it in order to protect myself.  I’ve been very guarded.  This makes me kind of sad, like it’s spoiling the experience for me.  I look at other pregnant women and think about how lucky they must have been to enjoy life up until the day they found out they were pregnant, and then get to go straight into feeling excited.  That sounds so fun!  I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to feel excited, even when I did get pregnant, but my mom assured me that would not be the case.  But waking up this morning, feeling even just a little excited, even though it was just a dream, really breathed some life back into me.  ❤

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One thought on “Not Tonight, Honey…

  1. MK says:

    Glad you’re feeling excited! Best of luck with your cycle.

    Like

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