Ketchup

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I took a little break from blogging for the last couple weeks.  Today I am 3dp6dt!  Here are my updates!

Retrieval:

I don’t know why I was so worried about this.  Actually, I take that back.  I know EXACTLY why I worried.  The thought of a foot-long needle going through my vagina, THAT was worrisome.  I was hoping I would be out cold, but my nurse explained to me that I would be under “conscious sedation” which was explained to me as “you won’t be able to move or speak and you won’t remember a thing.”  Uhhhhhh.  Nuh.  That does not sound right.  Everyone assured me it would be fine.  Going into the procedure, I was really trying to be brave, but I am a pansy.  The Dr. came in and asked me if I had any questions and I said “Uh, yes.  I’m concerned about this ‘conscious sedation’ stuff.  I’ve heard I won’t be able to move or speak, but I’ve heard nothing about not feeling it, and all I can think of is that Metallica video.”  He laughed.  I was glad he got the reference.  He assured me I would be “out” and wouldn’t feel a thing.

Long story short, he was right.  Next thing I knew, I was waking up.  Had a little bit of mild cramping, but totally livable.  I slept the whole rest of the day.

The Dr told me when I woke up that he retrieved 11 eggs.  I have to admit, I was a little disappointed with this number.  I’m embarrassed to say that because I know so many women who get less, but I’ve also seen women get numbers in the 20s and 30s.  And I just thought that because my ovaries were great and functioning normally and had nothing to do with our infertility, I would be in those high numbers.

Then the next morning my nurse called to tell me that out of the 11 eggs, only 6 had fertilized.  We still had 5 days to make it until the PDG testing, and I knew that with each day as well as with the testing, those numbers were pretty surely going to continue to go down.  They also told me that we wouldn’t have any more updates on the embryos until the day of our transfer, which seems kind of torturous.  Seems like a pretty shitty day to be getting bad news, if there is any.  I tried my best to keep my mind off of it, but who was I kidding?

Transfer Day!:

This day was pretty bittersweet.  I had my acupuncturist, who I love, there working with me.  She covered me in warm sheets and put a heating lamp on my feet and did her thing turning me into Hellraiser with her tiny needles.  She then massaged me and even stuck a few needles in my husband to relax him, too.  It was a great way to start off the day.  Then the Dr. came in.  I should mention that in one of our appointments with him last week, I told him very specifically that we did NOT want to know the gender of the embryos, we at least wanted that surprise.  He totally understood and he said he would put it in our notes to make sure no one “spills the beans.”  Imagine my dismay when the first thing he says when we walks in the room transfer day is “Well, I have some great news!  You have 2 healthy boy embryos!”  My heart fucking stopped.  Did he seriously just say that?  I looked at my husband who I could instantly tell was pissed as well and I just tried to smooth the situation.  I said, “It’s ok, it’s ok.  A boy!”  But my husband said to the doctor, “wait, so you are telling us the sex now?  We said we didn’t want that.”  The doctor looked embarrassed and said, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”  But there was nothing that could be done about it now and I just had to focus on being happy and ok with it.

I do believe everything happens for a reason, though.  Since the boy cats were already out of the bag, I took a look at our PDG testing results.  Very interesting.  Only 5 embryos were tested so I guess 1 of the 6 didn’t make it to day five for testing.  But here’s the thing that struck me.  All 5 were male.  Half of my eggs didn’t fertilize, statistically that would about the amount of female sperm used to inseminate them.

It scares me that we may never be able to have a girl.  I am totally grateful for these 2 healthy boys, but having a girl at some point is also important to me.  I don’t even know if this is something we can test for, because I don’t know what it is.  I’m wondering if there is something genetic going on here that we don’t know about.  I don’t even know what questions to ask or who to ask them to.  I feel lost and I certainly don’t want to turn to Google and drive myself insane.

It was kind of a shame that there was kind of a dark cloud over such a happy day, but sometimes that is life.  We chose to implant 1 embryo and freeze the other.  It was a surreal experience.  I got to watch this little guy enter my body through the ultrasound.  He was in a little rice shaped vehicle that they use to transport them I guess.  A little rice rocket, if you will.  That made me super emotional.  I had been trying to hold in tears of sadness from the moment the dr came in with his “great news” but the second I saw that little spec enter my body, tears of joy came pouring out of me.

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19 thoughts on “Ketchup

  1. oc15 says:

    gender testing? ! i have never heard of that. very interesting. 5 out of 11 although i completely understand can seem disappointing ( been there twice) is fantastic! hoping a strong little baby boy is growing stronger with each passing day 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kate Buckley says:

      Thank you. 5 out of 11 fertilized, but only 2 were genetically normal. When they do genetic testing, one of the things they can see is the gender. We weren’t doing it to see the gender, in fact, we asked them NOT to tell us. We just wanted to make sure the embryo we implanted was healthy and didn’t have any genetic abnormalities.

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      • oc15 says:

        i saw that he wrecked your surprise. boo. I’m sorry he did that. when my mom was pregnant she didn’t wantto know but the Dr. kept saying “she’s doing this, she’s doing that”. then one day the Dr. was like ” oh, you’re the family that doesn’t want to know. ..”. i see, i didn’t read the post correctly, sorry. what a crazy time we’re living in where the technology is available to make certain the health if your baby. i am happy you were able to give yourself (and your child) the best chance.

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  2. C.L. says:

    I had no idea they could tell the gender of the embryos. That’s pretty amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. julieann081 says:

    I’m sorry the results were not what you wanted, but I’m glad you got two healthy embryos! I’m sorry that the doctor told you the sex of the babies, but I hope your little boy is growing well! Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best!

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  4. Samantha says:

    Congrats on being PUPO!!! Your TWW is almost over and hopefully you’ll get great beta results 🙂

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  5. Jen says:

    That totally blows that the doctor spilled the beans. I totally hear what you’re saying about the feeling of never having a girl too though, sorry. Hoping and praying these two boys hang on tight. Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have never heard of being able to tell the sex based on the embryos. Is that specific from part of the PDG testing?

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  7. drunkstorks says:

    PDG testing is really quite something and very interesting about all the males in ur hubbies family. Yeah for being PUPO!!!! Super exciting 😊

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  8. exciting! may i ask why you had the PGD done? i’m reading conflicting info on it and don’t think it’s right for our situation.

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    • Kate Buckley says:

      My husband has a couple different genetic worries with his sister and his brother, we wanted to make sure if we went through all this, the baby was going to be healthy. I’m really glad we did it. Out of the 5 embryos we tested, only 2 were genetically normal. If we would have implanted any of the other 3, they either wouldn’t have attached or I probably would have miscarried. Or on the off chance they would have made it all the way through the pregnancy, the baby would not have been healthy. Another factor is my age. I’m 34 and right on the cusp of being more at risk anyway. Testing saved us from going through extra heartache.

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  9. adebenham says:

    This made me cry for you. I maybe emotional because of all the hormones they put you on to start IVF. I am truly happy for you that you have this opportunity. Lets hope this little boy sticks! My prayers are with you through this journey ❤

    Like

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