Tag Archives: infertility

Squinty Eyes, Another U/S and More Blood Work

pic

My father-in-law put together this picture of my husband and me when we were both little.  At least there’s no question what our child will look like, it just would have been nice if someone had mentioned previous to our wedding that we were siblings. As far as having eyes goes, this kid doesn’t stand a chance.  My money is on it looking a lot like Bunsen from the Muppets minus the glasses.

I had my 5 day u/s and blood work today.  It’s so hard to know what I was looking at, and the nurse didn’t say much.  I seemed to have about 4 follicles total that were 14 or 15, and about 4 more that were 10-12, at least of what they measured. I have no idea if this is on track or not.  I had to reorder 2 more days worth of Menopur, and it looks as though my retrieval date may be this Friday.  Of course the husband is leaving to play a couple festivals in the UK on Wednesday and will be gone for about 5 days.  But luckily it looks like he will most likely be here for the transfer date which is more important anyway.  He can make it up to me by waiting on me hand and foot and being my own personal In N Out delivery boy.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Menopur Madness

Yesterday I had my first U/S and blood work since starting the stims and it was pretty lack luster. My doctor didn’t really mention anything about my follicles or how they were looking. From some of your posts I was seeing a little feedback you ladies got from your Dr on this appointment about all that stuff. That, coupled with my dr looking like he was in a hurry to get out of there after he examined me of COURSE made me feel like something was wrong.

Anyway, the nurse called me last night to tell me he wanted me to start on 75iu of Menopur last night.

Holy shit, first off let me say that is a LOT of crap to be injecting at once. It felt like dinner. My nurse had shown me how to mix everything in that teaching appointment I had before I started, but of course I had forgotten every bit. I had to read through the instructions to figure it out. Of course it was not clear at all how much water I should use. I kept seeing examples that were for 150iu using 1cc of water, so that’s what I used for my 75iu. I had no idea if that was right or not.

But the really crazy thing to me was that out of the literally 5 bags of different syringes, none of them were labeled for use with which medicine, nor were the needles. I had no idea which I was supposed to use. They really should have a little note on them that says “For Use with Menopur” or whatever. So far the shots have been self explanatory. The Lupron came with it’s syringes and the Gonal F is a pre-filled syringe, easy peasy.

Also, I was only sent enough Menopur for 5 days, I’m hoping this is right! I’m not excited about having to order more medicine. I emailed my nurse about this, but I’m just wondering how many days you ladies who have done or are doing a Menopur protocol were on it for?

20140815-090214.jpg

Tagged , , , , , ,

Cross My Heart, Stick a Needle in My Everything

10616957_1499535103623097_1325495723_n

If you know me, you know that I am an avid researcher.  I love looking up statistics and case studies and personal accounts of all things.  And seriously I’ll try all kinds of shit if I hear it’s cool.  Not that acupuncture is totally out there, honestly I’ve been poked so much what’s another 90 needles in my body?  But I’ve heard such great things about it, especially pertaining to ttc.  I’m curious how many of you have tried it for a previous cycle, or are doing it now?

This is my first cycle, so I have no outcome yet.  But I’ve been getting acupuncture for almost a year now and I can tell you, baby making aside, it’s had some awesome effects on my body.  It can be used for all kinds of things, I was using it mainly to just get my uterus healthy and relax my periods since cramping with endo is about as fun sticking a Lego in your pee-hole.  But yesterday I got to see just how powerful it is!

I got up in the morning before my appointment and went for a run, as I do just about every morning.  I am a runner, I love it and I need it in so many ways.  Plus I’ve been on a mission lately knowing that my FET is right around the corner and my running days are numbered.  But yesterday, right at the end of my run, I pinched a nerve in my upper spine and felt like somebody took an ax to my back.  I’m pretty prone to pinched nerves, I don’t know why.  I’ve gotten them in my neck a bunch from the time I was a teenager, and my mom and sister get them every once in a while as well.  I don’t know why this is or what makes us prone, but if you’ve ever had one, you know they suck.

I actually collapsed and worried about how the hell I was going to get home.  I called my husband, but he was still sleeping, and there was no one else around because it was so early.  I called my acupuncturist to cancel while I had my phone in my hand, there was no way I could make it down there to her, but she really urged me to come in because she said she could help me with it.  So my husband had to bathe me, dress me, and drive me.  Seriously.  Gearing him up for dad life.

It was hard for me to even lay on her table, but she started with my back, putting needles all up and down my spine where the nerve was.  It felt a little better right away, but was still sore when I left there.  This morning, I’m almost all the way better!  Typically these things leave me out of commission for at least a few days, hopped up on Vicodin and still unable to get comfortable in any position.  But I woke up this morning and got out of bed no problem and THEN remembered about my back.  I had to do a couple twerking moves to test it out in disbelief.

If this works as well for my uterus, it will be as lush and sticky as a sea anemone.  I would love to hear any of your thoughts, feelings, experiences with acupuncture!

Tagged , , , , , ,

Shot Just Got Real

Tonight is the first night of stims, Gonal F to be exact. I’m starting to get really nervous. So far the Lupron has been no big deal, but I think the Gonal F has a bigger needle? Anyone know if this is true? I’ve been totally fine these last couple week with the Lupron, then wouldn’t you know it, this morning I hit a nerve with it and screamed! Oh my god, that hurt so bad. Now I’m like terrified of taking the bigger injection tonight. Anyone have any tips on avoiding nerves when you do your injections? What were your experiences with the Gonal F?

Tagged , , , , , ,

Real Day 1

10560907_1464867507103158_595678080_n

I’m sitting here in font of my first shot of Lupron and totally psyching myself out.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Seriously, I’m a pretty brave person, I’ve done some crazy things in life.  But this is really getting me and I don’t know why.  I feel all panicky.

Any tips??

❤ ❤ ❤

Tagged , , , , ,

What’s in the Box???!

box

It’s HERE!!!  A little unnerving that the box could double as a quaint condominium for my 2 dumb dogs.  Unpacking it now.  My home is becoming Needle Nation, I’ll need to hang a new flag.

Also, I decided to make an Instagram account for all the IVF stuff.  Follow it, I’ll be happy to share every detail that could possibly help or support anyone out there!  @bb.bux

Also please feel free to follow my regular account too (@KateOrDie) for regular updates on both my one-eyed, and toothless dogs, pictured above!  What more could you want?

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Baby Fat

eric-sahrmann-photography-11

What are you babes doing to stay fit and healthy through all of this??  Obviously, once pregnant, I will happily gain a healthy amount of weight for the baby, but I’m reading more and more that that amount does not tend to be as much as we think it is.  I feel like over the last 4 years of ttc, my body just wants to gain.  This could also have something to do with being over 30 now, dammit.  But I really do feel like my body is trying to nest every month, even though every month that nest has been batted out of the tree by some bitchy cat.

I cut out gluten for almost a year per the request of my acupuncturist, but I didn’t notice much of a difference.  I was gaining a little weight though, which I thought would be the opposite.  But while staying at my parents house this last time, being that my mother laughed at me with the whole no gluten thing so she prepared gluten with a side of gluten for each meal, I went back to eating it.  I noticed that I was full a lot faster and ate way less.  I also noticed that it made me a little lethargic, so it’s a give and a take I guess.

I tend to eat pretty well typically, but I’m most interested in finding physical activity that I can get into without having to fear I’m messing anything up.  I’m a runner and a swimmer and I hike at least once a week.  Running is a no-no, and I just worry about swimming and water getting up in my Netherlands.  Hiking is great, but probably not once I’m pregnant.

So here are my questions!  Answer any or all of them if you like!

1. What activities are you doing to stay fit and were they Dr. approved?

2. What are you cutting out or trying to include more of in your diet?

3. Are you using a heart monitor while you exercise and if so, do you recommend the one you have?

4. Are there any vitamins or supplements you’re having luck with?

Tagged , , , , , , ,

In Other News

Today while taking a wee I looked down at my dog’s 4 inch nails, then had to wipe myself with a paper towel.  I had to wonder, am I ready for children?

Tagged , , , ,

Fertility Tourism

Screen-Shot-2011-11-01-at-10.52.43-AM

This is a subject that I’ve been fascinated by lately.  I’ll admit I was fantasizing about a London holiday where I would live in a charming cottage for months and receive IVF treatment for $4.  The price of it here in the US is killing me.  It’s so insane.  I also feel a little icky thinking about how some of that cost is probably due to the fact that people dealing with infertility are sometimes so desperate they would pay anything, so companies know they can charge anything.  What do I know factually about how these companies get their pricing?  Zilch-o-la.  But it’s still suspect.

I know that other countries have different laws and I think that makes up the majority of motivation for fertility tourism.  For example, I believe in Canada you can’t pay for donor eggs or sperm?  And in some countries PGD for sex selection is illegal.

Other than cost, we have it pretty good here in the US.  We have some of the best doctors and tend to be the most relaxed with our regulations.  But part of me did want to just look into IVF in a few other countries just for the heck of it.  I couldn’t find much on it.  I’d love to hear anything you ladies know!

Tagged , , , ,

Unshakably Happy

914372_653405148077257_2035335708_n

So, I’m a Nichiren Buddhist, which is probably the best thing I have going for myself currently.  It’s really helping me not lose hope through this rough patch.  I’m sure people of all kinds of faith will understand that.  The organization SGI (Soka Gakkai International) is structured very much around the members and each individual experience.  We are encouraged to share our struggles and our triumphs with one another, strengthening each other’s faith and practice.  Nichiren Buddhism is not one for blind faith, really.  It’s more about challenging the practice, and learning from our results and the results of others.  THIS is how we grow our faith, by constantly seeing proof, and getting a better understanding of how and why it works.

Every month, each group has a discussion meeting.  There will be a specific topic that the group will delve into together, we will share our favorite quotes pertaining to the topic, read related articles, and share our thoughts and feelings on it.  But the real kind of meat and potatoes to these discussion meetings are the shared experiences by members.  Typically one member who has recently received an inspiring benefit, or has just made an exciting cause in their life working towards a major goal, will be asked to tell their story.  The human aspect of encouraging one another is massive.

I’ve been asked to speak at our meeting today.  I was asked months ago, and was really hoping to have something inspirational to talk about by now.  I was hoping my story would have turned around and I could talk about how I was coming out on the other side.  But that’s just not the case.

Our struggles are what shape us into better human beings.  And the goal of Buddhism is to be unshakably happy.  That means that your circumstances do not determine your happiness.  Circumstances will always change and shift, and if our happiness was dependent on them, that would mean our happiness would waver as well.  To be whole and complete and to find inner peace and happiness NO MATTER WHAT is what being a Buddha is all about.  The cool thing is that we are all Buddhas.  Whatever you believe in or whatever religion you practice, the key to your happiness is within you.  It’s YOURS.  You have the power to make great changes in your life, and the greatest thing you can do is have courage, and to make the determination to be unshakably happy no matter what challenges come your way.

I know I talk a lot in my blog about not giving in to the sadness that surrounds IVF.  It’s not that I’m suppressing my feelings, it’s that I am making the determination to focus on being happy instead.  It’s not easy, but it benefits me immensely.  When I feel sad, I allow myself to, but I try not to feed into it.  I respect my emotions, but I also realize that being happy is my choice.

Human suffering is something that every person on the planet shares.  People with small problems and people with big problems all experience suffering.  I’ve found that the people with only the seemingly small problems actually suffer just as much as the people with large problems.  Of course the people with large problems would love to trade with those that have small, superficial ones.  And that just proves that our situations are subjective.  If a person going through the loss of a child got to trade with someone whose biggest problem was worrying about making rent that month, they would feel light and free and HAPPY.  But that person who only lives in the realm of not knowing if they will make rent, suffers.  They are sad and consumed with worry and it most likely will effect other areas of their life.

I hope that makes sense.  And I also hope it does not come across as though I am making light of what any of us are going through.  I’m so happy to have found women to share stories with and a community of support.  I hope that we can also encourage one another to find real happiness through these challenging times.

I don’t have a happy conclusion to share at my meeting today, but I have the enlightened determination to face this challenge head on and win.  Let’s all be champions for ourselves.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: