Tag Archives: iui

the upside to infertility 


River is now 22 months, which means 2 is just around the corner.  Problably one of the most reverberated phrases in parenthood is “it goes by so fast!”  I’m guilty of it, at least agreeing with it, but I don’t actually feel that way.  When someone says to me “I can’t believe he’s already (insert age here)!” I say, “I know” because I feel like my true answer of “I can!” sounds like I’m complaining.  

The truth is that I’m not shocked at his age or pace of the advancements he’s making because I’m so present.  I’ve never been more present for anything in my life.  I don’t mean because I’m a SAHM and am physically with him every minute.  I mean because I sop up every moment I have with him like a biscuit in a bowl of soup. (Sorry, I’m hungry)  And I attribute every bit of this to my years battling with infertility and having to accept that I may never be a mother. 

I’m certainly not saying that someone can’t relish every minute with their child without going through infertility, but I know in my case it was a necessary ingredient.  I’m a planner and a worrier, my mind is typically on the future at all times rather than the present.  Living in the moment does not come naturally to me and I constantly have had to work on that in my life.  But as a mother now it’s coming so naturally to me.  I feel like a sponge just soaking it all in and it’s wonderful.  This is how life should be lived. 

I’ve had a total love/hate relationship with the saying “everything happens for a reason.”  As a Buddhist this is the crux of my beliefs, but it if you said it to me while I was going through fertility issues I may have stabbed you with a pencil.  There were times I felt very bitter about what I was going through, and resentful of the fact that there could be no silver lining.  Even on the better days when I held on to hope I would someday get pregnant, my focus was on how every day that passed without getting pregnant was one less day I would get to spend with my child.  What a bummer way to feel.  

If I could rewrite my own story now and get pregnant right when we started trying, I don’t think I would.  In fact, I know I wouldn’t!  Everything I went through in order to have him has made me the mom I am, and I’m really proud of that person.  She’s so different from all the other people I’ve been in my life, and far cooler.  I’m so much more laid back (for me) and find humor in the really crumby parts, like at 2 am when he projectile vomits in a 4 ft radius around himself, the bed, me, the dog, as his head spun around a la The Exorcist.  Or when he threw my entire makeup bag in the toilet.  ūüė¨ MOMMY LOVES YOU. ūüė¨  Even these moments feel like a gift, and I find myself almost giddy about them rather than upset. 

I do feel like the people that have to wait and work hard to finally get their child are just different as parents.  I’m not going to say “better” because that’s RUDE. ūüėČ  But I think we have an easier time finding joy in even the shitty parts.  Some may call us insufferable as we post every burp and toot on instagram, but that’s ok because those people just don’t get it.  It’s ALL exciting when you’ve stared down the barrel of a life without children. 

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Menopur Madness

Yesterday I had my first U/S and blood work since starting the stims and it was pretty lack luster. My doctor didn’t really mention anything about my follicles or how they were looking. From some of your posts I was seeing a little feedback you ladies got from your Dr on this appointment about all that stuff. That, coupled with my dr looking like he was in a hurry to get out of there after he examined me of COURSE made me feel like something was wrong.

Anyway, the nurse called me last night to tell me he wanted me to start on 75iu of Menopur last night.

Holy shit, first off let me say that is a LOT of crap to be injecting at once. It felt like dinner. My nurse had shown me how to mix everything in that teaching appointment I had before I started, but of course I had forgotten every bit. I had to read through the instructions to figure it out. Of course it was not clear at all how much water I should use. I kept seeing examples that were for 150iu using 1cc of water, so that’s what I used for my 75iu. I had no idea if that was right or not.

But the really crazy thing to me was that out of the literally 5 bags of different syringes, none of them were labeled for use with which medicine, nor were the needles. I had no idea which I was supposed to use. They really should have a little note on them that says “For Use with Menopur” or whatever. So far the shots have been self explanatory. The Lupron came with it’s syringes and the Gonal F is a pre-filled syringe, easy peasy.

Also, I was only sent enough Menopur for 5 days, I’m hoping this is right! I’m not excited about having to order more medicine. I emailed my nurse about this, but I’m just wondering how many days you ladies who have done or are doing a Menopur protocol were on it for?

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Time Out

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I can’t even go into all the set backs we had due to the changes in healthcare in the past couple years because I’m one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break. ¬†But just to sum it up for you, between my diagnosis of the uterine septum and possible endometriosis (which turned out to be stage 3) and my actual treatment, it took a YEAR. ¬†A whole mother-loving year. ¬†And in that year, I had 5, count them, F.I.V.E.!. doctors retire on me. ¬†(Not that I blame them, I would have retired as well) ¬†So we were just lost in the shuffle every step of the way. ¬†There were tests I had to take multiple times because my results were lost, or by the time they got them back to us, they were old news and they wanted current info on what was going on with me. ¬†I had to have an HSG TWICE because of this same reason, and those are miserable.

So, needless to say, I’m getting rather effing antsy! ¬†Also with 35 just around the corner for me, time is of the essence. ¬†So I pretty much had a melt down the other day when the nurse informed me that the Dr. was insisting I get my Rubella vaccination and that you can’t start treatment for 3 whole months after!

We had been over this in his office in our last meeting. ¬†He told me that my blood work showed that my Rubella levels were “a little low” and that we should “think” about getting a booster. ¬†He also told me the risks on BOTH SIDES of the issue. ¬†It sounded to me like it was my prerogative. ¬†I am a believer in vaccinations, but I knew that I did still have some of the vaccine in me, and it seemed like something I could do after the baby was born. ¬†Also, the fact that there were a couple risks on the side of getting the booster as well, pushed me in the direction of waiting. ¬†I’m never around children and would make sure I wasn’t in this time, limit my traveling, and be super careful. ¬†The fact is, the vaccine is in my body still, and had I not started this process of ttc I never would have known it was a little low. ¬†I felt like it could wait 11 more months.

But now, the WEEK we were supposed to start the IVF process, I find out that it is mandated by the Dr. and he won’t let me start unless I get the vaccine, well, 3 months after actually. ¬†I don’t mind him being cautious, he is a doctor and that is his job. ¬†I’m also not going to argue with him when he tells me what is best for me and my baby. ¬†He is the EXPERT. ¬†I am not, I don’t care how much I sit in front of Google. ¬†I was still having a very massive woe is me moment after receiving that news.

 

Anyway, so after all this, I got some pretty good news today. ¬†My doctor said¬†that it’s actually only a 30 day period from the time of vaccination and actually getting pregnant that is unsafe. ¬†But I can start the treatment within those 30 days, so I’m good to go! ¬†I have an appointment this afternoon for my MMR and then I don’t have to worry about it anymore! ¬†It’s kind of the best outcome because I would have been a little worried about it even if the doctor had allowed me to sign a waver or something and start treatment without it. ¬†And now we can proceed on schedule! ¬†For now. ¬†We’ll see what this TTC wants to throw at me next. ¬†Sometimes I feel like this infertility odyssey is a huge game of dodgeball. ¬†*WHAM* You’re out. ¬†Go sit in the corner until your next period.

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