Today I made the mistake of looking up what an 11 week fetus looks like and now I can’t get it out of my head. A super tiny, yet fully formed baby with fingers and tooth buds, itty bitty ears and tiny nose. It’s too much for me right now.
Here’s where some of the confusion came from about how far along I was. First off, I had been having my period for the last several months, which I guess can happen with an ectopic. When I went in Wednesday for the ultrasound the tech measured a 4 week 4 day yolk sack in my endometrium. This obviously made sense to me. But the baby they pulled out of my Fallopian tube was much further along, the doctor said “at least 10 weeks.” Because I chart my periods, ovulation and intercourse we now know for certain the baby was 11 weeks exactly.
Now because of this mystery sack in my uterus I have to go in next week for a blood test to make sure it was not a double pregnancy, to know for certain I am no longer pregnant. If that were the case I would need a D&C. But the doctor said it may be what is called a pseudo sack, my body knew it was pregnant so it was trying to do the right thing and the sack would be empty. I’m hoping that’s the case, I can’t handle another procedure and the loss of another baby at this moment.
I’m kicking myself for not testing sooner, I knew there was something wrong. I know it wouldn’t have been possible to save the baby, but I wouldn’t have let it get so far. I feel really guilty about that. And at the very least I may still have my tube.